I have found myself in mild conflict with others as of late, mostly for my desire to stand on the Word of God as use it as my foundation. That may not be the way that people would put it, but it's been the way it has been. This has been particuarly upsetting because people who I love very much have not talked to me as much or been around like I want them to because I have stood up for something I believe in. It's not as though standing up for something I believe in is something I have much trouble doing really.... When I believe in something, I am totally find standing for it. What has been heartbreaking to me is that I genuinly love these people and really, in the very least, I hold a deep desire to love all people. I hate watching people hurt. I hate watching people be confused. I hate people feelings alone. I hate watching pain. I hate when I see "Churchs" wound the very people they are called to love. I hate not being able to fix it.
I have a tendacy at times, one I know is not all together a possitive tendancy, to want to love, accept, protect and care for people. The only reason I say that is not all together possitive is because of Mark 12, when Jesus is asked what is the greatest commandment, He replies: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: Love your neigbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these." I try desperatly to love people with everything I can, and sometimes, as much as I love God.... I fear that I place people first. I fear that I take from God what He wants: to fix, hold, care for, and love on His children. I do not mean to do this! I love God so very much, and I want to help people. However, just as when a person breaks their leg you are not supposed to move them due to making the situation worse, rather let professionals fix it. Sometimes I try to step in front of the pro here.
Now, sad as it is to say.... This is not written towards many of those in the church that I have met who. Those who talk a great deal about Jesus' love but can't rub two emotional or empithitc coins together for the life of them... Rather this is for those who love people but can sometimes forget, as I do, that the FIRST commandmant is love the Lord your God. If we do that, I believe the rest will fall into place. This is NOT to say to stop loving those around us, but when they become to overshadow Christ is our lives, that's when we need to look at some things. We can not believe that we can just take from God the items we need and then come back when we're empty again. We must be plugged in. We have no good in us but that which comes from God, and so we must stay plugged into Him and if we truley love Him, His fruit will grow naturally. Love God. Love people. We do a lot of talk about "Speaking the truth in love." And as my younger brother once so profoundly put it, we confuse speaking softly with speaking out of love. Sometimes love is harsh and sometimes love does not tell you what you want to here at all. But love covers, and protects, and holds, and bends, and bruises and still holds on at the very deepest part of our hearts. And sometimes, maybe people walk away. Maybe people get angry or upset. Maybe you feel alone, I know I do... But we have to place our faith and our trust in Christ, first and formost. Keep ourselves in check, and remember "It's hard to be the better man when you forget you're trying." It's not our goodness, but the goodness of Christ in us.
Things get very difficult and it gets very cold and dark out here in this shithole of a planet, but if there is one thing we must do, it is to hold tight to Christ and never, ever let go. Hold on and refuse to let go. Fight, scratch, kick, bite, wail, punch, and grab. Our walk as followers of Christ is not an event, it is a jouney (as my brother and friend in Christ always says) and we must press on toward the goal to win the prize for which Christ has called us (Phil. 3:14). We must never, ever give up. It is a struggle, it is a war, it is a FAITH and it is a HOPE. And we must never give up on that. Fight and love with everything you have got, but always remember first that we must kneel before Christ without fear or worry about what others around us may think because that is intamacy. "It's not 'If I believe in Love.' It's Love believes in me."'
This is pretty much the conversation Seth and I had a couple weeks ago. Most people don't want real friends these days. They want a buddy who gives them the impression that they aren't alone.
ReplyDeleteAlso, in response to this: "I fear that I take from God what He wants: to fix, hold, care for, and love on His children."
I would contend that you can do all these things, except for perhaps the first. God is the ultimate healer of our problems and needs, but I would say that as we see the world through Christ's eyes, we should be compelled to do all the things that you already want to do so naturally. However, don't think that your desire to see people whole comes from anything other than God. Embrace it as His Spirit and you no longer need to feel guilty about your urge to help people. Its all in your motivations. Ultimately the only difference its going to make is in how you view yourself. As with Paul when he said that as long as Christ was being preached, he didn't care what the reasons were, whether you're loving on people because of a need to fulfill some altruistic desire, or whether you're doing it out of the fruit of the Spirit, you're helping people. So the question is left to you, and no one but you really knows the answer, nor needs to know.
As for the struggle. I'm in the middle of it all. Mostly falling all over myself, but I'm holding out for some Hope outside of myself to rescue me, cause God knows I've tried that again and again. So, yes, I'm struggling, but I'm struggling to surrender my religion, which is ironic in that my failure to keep my religion is the most damning source of my judgment right now.
I'm sorry I write so much. I think there's freedom for me in the anonymity of this blog as much as there is for you, but I hope the knowledge that I may read your posts doesn't inhibit you from saying what you need to say.
I'm quite glad that you read them, and no it does not hinder me from writing honestly. I'm glad that we can connect greater on that level. There are other people who know I have this, but I'm not sure who all reads it. It means a lot to me.
ReplyDeleteI guess what I mean from that is that sometimes, I know that I jump the gun and make choices too fast to because I want to fix situations, circumstances... People. And I want to do that because I DO love people. However, sometimes I know that my quick decision making is not the wisest thing to do. As I've said, I just want to do the RIGHT thing for the RIGHT reason... I often find myself doing the wrong thing for the right reasons.
And write away, dear friend.