Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Monday, September 12, 2011
"I Think I Talk To You Best When I Sing. I Sing About Almost Everything."
This is the best way I can think of to help you, provided you need it at present:
1.) These Days - Nico
2.) Why Don't You Find Out For Yourself? - Morrissey
3.) New York State Of Mind - Billy Joel
4.) Miss Misery - Elliott Smith
5.) Land Locked Blues - Bright Eyes
6.) How To Disappear Completely - Radiohead
7.) Flatlands (Sprawl II) - Arcade Fire
8.) Against All Odds - Phil Collins
9.) That's How People Grow Up - Morrissey
10.) Don't Let Them See You Cry - Manchester Orchestra
11.) The World At Large - Modest Mouse
12.) Romeo And Juliet (Cover) - The Killers
13.) Hallelujah - Jeff Buckley
14.) She - Elvis Costello
15.) Love Will Tear Us Apart - Joy Division
16.) Most Of The Time - Bob Dylan
17.) Never Tear Us Apart - INXS
18.) Oh My God - Jars Of Clay
19.) The River - Manchester Orchestra
20.) Transatlatlanticism - Death Cab For Cutie
21.) My Body Is A Cage - Arcade Fire
1.) These Days - Nico
2.) Why Don't You Find Out For Yourself? - Morrissey
3.) New York State Of Mind - Billy Joel
4.) Miss Misery - Elliott Smith
5.) Land Locked Blues - Bright Eyes
6.) How To Disappear Completely - Radiohead
7.) Flatlands (Sprawl II) - Arcade Fire
8.) Against All Odds - Phil Collins
9.) That's How People Grow Up - Morrissey
10.) Don't Let Them See You Cry - Manchester Orchestra
11.) The World At Large - Modest Mouse
12.) Romeo And Juliet (Cover) - The Killers
13.) Hallelujah - Jeff Buckley
14.) She - Elvis Costello
15.) Love Will Tear Us Apart - Joy Division
16.) Most Of The Time - Bob Dylan
17.) Never Tear Us Apart - INXS
18.) Oh My God - Jars Of Clay
19.) The River - Manchester Orchestra
20.) Transatlatlanticism - Death Cab For Cutie
21.) My Body Is A Cage - Arcade Fire
Friday, September 9, 2011
These Days...
I know that it's likely no one reads this... I do not deceive myself enough to think this is breathtaking reading material, nor do I pretend that it is of any importance to anyone. I do confess, however that there are times I wonder if someone I know will find this and learn what it is that I'm thinking and feeling really. I don't seem to be able to say it to many people out loud; toning being a prime example of just this. Whatever the matter, it seems to help me to put it out there, and this is what I'm putting out there: I am lonely and angry and I can't seem to express it very well. Thank God for the wonder of music though, because with it I seem to be able to say exactly what it is that I wish to say. Lately when people ask me those questions about my ever elusive feelings, my response has been, both verbally and honestly, "I honestly have no idea as to how to answer that." Here's everything I mean to say:
I've been out walking, I don't do too much talking these days
These days, these days I seem to think a lot about the things that I forgot to do
And all the times I had the chance to
I stopped my rambling, I don't do too much gambling these days
These days, these days I seem to think about how all the changes came about my way
And I wonder if I'll see another highway
I had a lover, I don't think I'll risk another these days
These days. And if I seem to be afraid to live the life that I have made in song
It's just that I've been loosing so long
I stopped my dreaming, I won't do too much scheming these days
These days, these days I sit on corner stones
And count the time in quarter tones to ten
Please don't confront me with my failures, I have not forgotten them.
Jack Shephard, King Peter, Mr Darcy, and me.
While searching around the internet due to boredom and slight depression due to prolonged exposure to reality, I started looking up fictional Enneagram characters. I like to look these up every so often, mostly because I believe that just as Christ gave parables, told stories to explain at greater length and depth what the Kingdom of God looks like, I believe that we can learn a great deal about ourselves from good fiction. I have learned more about true leadership from "Watership Down" than from any seminar I have attended on the matter. The issue at hand with these late-night google searches tends to be either 1.) No one talks at great length on the matter. 2.) No one seems to know what they are talking about. (Harry Potter is an Eight?)
I by no means to reduce the Enneagram into a coffee-shop, afternoon tea discussion for those with a taste for pretense, nor to belittle it's importance in shining light upon our human condition... Rather, the opposite in fact. I believe that story tales matter deeply, and as G.K. Chesterton said, "Fairy tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten." This having been said, I came across the following excerpt on Enneagram Type Ones:
"Other fictional examples of type One include Mr. Spock, who is sometimes mistaken for a Five, Dostoevsky's Grand Inquisitor, Aragorn, from the Tolkien trilogy, and King Peter from the Narnia chronicles, whose creator, C.S. Lewis was also a One. And, Mr. Darcy from Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice. Mr. Darcy describes his character in these terms:"I have faults enough, but they are not, I hope, of understanding. My temper I dare not vouch for. It is, I believe, too little yielding, certainly too little for the convenience of the world. I cannot forget the follies and vices of other so soon as I ought, nor their offenses against myself. My feelings are not puffed about with every attempt to move them. My temper would perhaps be called resentful. My good opinion once lost, is lost forever...There is, I believe, in every disposition a tendency to some particular evil, a natural defect, which not even the best education can overcome.""
It made me quite happy, not only that I found this because being a Type One myself, my reasoning for this search was to feel less alone, which is a large reason as to why I read fiction in the first place. This managed to list a great deal of my favorite fictional characters (As well as a real person of whom, as far as human beings go, I hold in highest respect) and managed to do so with intelligence. That being said, If by chance anyone out there comes across this and happens to know the Enneagram, I would love some insight into my thoughts on this. I have put quite an amount of thought into the fictional characters I have been able to type, all the same I will say that I often tend to not believe that characters I respect and love are Ones. This is not because I find myself to be bad at this, forgive me, but I think I am rather good at it really... It has to do with a poor reflection I hold to my self and by extension, Ones in general I believe. Without any further babbling, my thoughts are as follows:
I love that they placed Mr. Spock in there, because while he does look a great deal like a Five, I do believe he is a One, and for that matter one of the better written Ones. It is important when looking at these things to look at motives, intent, reasoning, and background into why a character does what he or she does as opposed to just the demeanor of a character. I think that goes against the exact purpose of such an exercise. Aragorn I can agree with due to his fear of failing to do what is right and good; Aragorn has a great fear of following the sins of his fathers. While any Type can feel this way, I think that with an understanding that they are fictional characters, this is a good example. King Peter, now all I can say is that he is hands down the character in Narnia I relate most with... I do not know about C.S. Lewis though. Lewis has always seemed more like Type Five to me. I think that may cause some of my doubt on that subject. Now, Mr. Darcy.... There is a great compliment and a compelling argument for a Type One. I love Mr. Darcy, so it's a great compliment that anyone would view him in that manner and I must say that is a very respectful case they made. Made my night a little bit.
Other Ones that I have found personally to be rather strong representations of at least respectable Ones are Jack Shephard from LOST, Atticus Finch from To Kill A Mockingbird, Hazel from Watership Down, Hermione Granger and Professor Mcgonagall from Harry Potter, Rabbit from Winnie The Pooh; Sister Aloysius from Doubt, Jefferson Smith from Mr. Smith Goes to Washington, Dan from Dan In Real Life, Optimus Prime, and Captain America. Some examples of terrible Ones that I want to jump into the screen/pages and stranger (from bad to worse) would be Felix Unger from The Odd Couple, Percy Weasley and Dolores Umbridge from Harry Potter, and Nurse Ratchet from One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest. There is a lot of sufficent evidence of Albus Dumbledore being a One, however that would be so much wisdom and greatness given to one number that I dare not jump to that conclusion without thinking a bit more. However, whatever he is, I think he is a wonderful example as to what any number would want to look like in that he is quite well rounded. That, I pray, will come with age.
And now, I will do what I've been avoiding for hours and sleep. Goodnight and Godbless.
I by no means to reduce the Enneagram into a coffee-shop, afternoon tea discussion for those with a taste for pretense, nor to belittle it's importance in shining light upon our human condition... Rather, the opposite in fact. I believe that story tales matter deeply, and as G.K. Chesterton said, "Fairy tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten." This having been said, I came across the following excerpt on Enneagram Type Ones:
"Other fictional examples of type One include Mr. Spock, who is sometimes mistaken for a Five, Dostoevsky's Grand Inquisitor, Aragorn, from the Tolkien trilogy, and King Peter from the Narnia chronicles, whose creator, C.S. Lewis was also a One. And, Mr. Darcy from Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice. Mr. Darcy describes his character in these terms:"I have faults enough, but they are not, I hope, of understanding. My temper I dare not vouch for. It is, I believe, too little yielding, certainly too little for the convenience of the world. I cannot forget the follies and vices of other so soon as I ought, nor their offenses against myself. My feelings are not puffed about with every attempt to move them. My temper would perhaps be called resentful. My good opinion once lost, is lost forever...There is, I believe, in every disposition a tendency to some particular evil, a natural defect, which not even the best education can overcome.""
It made me quite happy, not only that I found this because being a Type One myself, my reasoning for this search was to feel less alone, which is a large reason as to why I read fiction in the first place. This managed to list a great deal of my favorite fictional characters (As well as a real person of whom, as far as human beings go, I hold in highest respect) and managed to do so with intelligence. That being said, If by chance anyone out there comes across this and happens to know the Enneagram, I would love some insight into my thoughts on this. I have put quite an amount of thought into the fictional characters I have been able to type, all the same I will say that I often tend to not believe that characters I respect and love are Ones. This is not because I find myself to be bad at this, forgive me, but I think I am rather good at it really... It has to do with a poor reflection I hold to my self and by extension, Ones in general I believe. Without any further babbling, my thoughts are as follows:
I love that they placed Mr. Spock in there, because while he does look a great deal like a Five, I do believe he is a One, and for that matter one of the better written Ones. It is important when looking at these things to look at motives, intent, reasoning, and background into why a character does what he or she does as opposed to just the demeanor of a character. I think that goes against the exact purpose of such an exercise. Aragorn I can agree with due to his fear of failing to do what is right and good; Aragorn has a great fear of following the sins of his fathers. While any Type can feel this way, I think that with an understanding that they are fictional characters, this is a good example. King Peter, now all I can say is that he is hands down the character in Narnia I relate most with... I do not know about C.S. Lewis though. Lewis has always seemed more like Type Five to me. I think that may cause some of my doubt on that subject. Now, Mr. Darcy.... There is a great compliment and a compelling argument for a Type One. I love Mr. Darcy, so it's a great compliment that anyone would view him in that manner and I must say that is a very respectful case they made. Made my night a little bit.
Other Ones that I have found personally to be rather strong representations of at least respectable Ones are Jack Shephard from LOST, Atticus Finch from To Kill A Mockingbird, Hazel from Watership Down, Hermione Granger and Professor Mcgonagall from Harry Potter, Rabbit from Winnie The Pooh; Sister Aloysius from Doubt, Jefferson Smith from Mr. Smith Goes to Washington, Dan from Dan In Real Life, Optimus Prime, and Captain America. Some examples of terrible Ones that I want to jump into the screen/pages and stranger (from bad to worse) would be Felix Unger from The Odd Couple, Percy Weasley and Dolores Umbridge from Harry Potter, and Nurse Ratchet from One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest. There is a lot of sufficent evidence of Albus Dumbledore being a One, however that would be so much wisdom and greatness given to one number that I dare not jump to that conclusion without thinking a bit more. However, whatever he is, I think he is a wonderful example as to what any number would want to look like in that he is quite well rounded. That, I pray, will come with age.
And now, I will do what I've been avoiding for hours and sleep. Goodnight and Godbless.
Monday, September 5, 2011
I Have a Lion Patronus.
As of late, I've been really down. I feel like an emotional wreck that acts like a Robot, and for a while the feelings did not compute so to speak. It's still difficult when people ask me what's wrong or if I'm okay, because I know full well that the answer is no, I'm not. But if someone asks me how I am feeling, I honestly have had no idea as to how to answer that. Really I still don't. But whatever it is that seems to be grabbing me seems to be slowly dragging me back to it's lair.
I know that it has to do with a somebody that I used to know [Thank you Elliott Smith]. I want to know what they think of LOST, I don't want to be upset at you for everything. I wanted, however long or short a time ago, for us to be able to live life together... However, that is no longer the place we sit and that is not now, nor had it really ever been a choice that I have made. Yet, I suffer it all the same, and so for you to contact me for any reason after you have done what you have done to me time and time again for the past half of a decade, is not fair. Not to mention that provided you are going to contact me, please don't fish for what you want to know/hear with bait you know I want to chomp at. Rather, say the thing. People need to tell one-another how they feel. Hypocritical as that statement may be, coming from the emotional robot, I still believe it. And I guess what I'm saying is more if you're going to come to somebody because you want to talk about something or say something in particular, then say that thing. This whole "Let-me-try-and-beat-around-and-play-cat-and-mouse-tell-you-string-the-correct-words-together-to-form-the-specific-sentence-to-pose-the-question-I-want-you-to-ask-so-that-I-will-then-answer-it," crap is driving me absolutely crazy. Point being here I am finding yet again that like it or not, Fittzgerald seems to have had a it correct.
"So we beat on, boats against the current, borne bak ceaselessly into the past."
I have to go back to work tonight for the first night since one of my co-workers is laying in a hospital bed, having nearly ben stabbed to death by another of my co-workers who is sitting in jain for what I assume will be some time. I don't know the whole story. I know that it involves a fight, a bar, years of poor choices, and a great deal of alcohol. It breaks my heart and to this moment, I don't know what to do with all of that. How to feel. I have talked to both of these guys at work, and outside of work once or twice. They lived together, so I had been over their house helping them do yard work one day. I had talked to them about God and love and hoped that something sank in. Hoped that in someway, I showed them Christ. Now I'm praying a whole lot more for the two of them. Then, on a far lesser note of seriousness, I am dealing with house drama, and trying to figure out just how to tell an old friend that us hanging out just isn't making sense anymore. That he is too loud, obnoxious, rude, selfish, and offensive to everyone we know. I don't know how to handle that and the situation as a whole just makes me very sad. I love this guy a whole lot, I really do. I worry about him, I care about his feelings, yet he will not change and he's now gone to the point of hurting me on a personal level. He won't stop and frankly, as much as I love him.... He's just not the type of person I want to hang around a ton. I am torn up about this.
I asked a few people who I am quite close to what it is that they think my patronus would be, provided such things were real (And how I wish they were). They all said Lion. Not to sound arrogant, self-righteous, or conceded, but I agree. I must say that Lions do mean a ton to me in many ways; my favorite movie is about a Lion, I do love Lions, and my savior is described as a Lion in the Bible, as well as written as on in C.S. Lewis' Narnia. I have a stone Lion outside my house, I have a stuffed Simba in my room, and I have a Lion patronus. For anyone who doesn't know (and supposing that someone is even reading this) "Patronus" means "Protector" in Latin. A patronus is what is used in Harry Potter as an attack to defend one's self against Dementors. Dementors are terrible creatures that have the ability to suck one's soul out of his or her body. Their presents feeds on happy emotions until it removes them, leaving you feeling hopeless and numb. They do not make you sad, as being sad is not as a whole, a bad thing... What they do, is they take away any happiness, or far more worse, joy form you. They take away any good feelings or memories that you have and leave you feeling numb and without any hope that any joy will return. They stick you in a state of emotional and really, spiritual imprisonment and leave you with only your worse memories.
To produce a patronus, you must think of the happiest, most powerful memory you have and focus on it and allow it to consume you. Then, with some words and a flick of that wand, you can produce a silvery white substance that will defend you against the dark. THIS is the only attack that can fend off a Dementor. And it doesn't just defend you, mind you.... It chases them far, far away. It saves you.
I have been feeling surrounded by Dementors lately, and I know what that feeling is; I know it's spiritual attack. Must respect to Miss Rowling for being able to describe so well what that can feel like. I've felt it quite a few times for a relatively young life and it's terrible. The truth is that we cannot combat this on our own. And the truth is that as cool as wands and magic, and patronus' are, they are not real... Not in the sense that stories present them at least. What is real, is something, someone far greater than any of us. And I thank God that he has given us Christ so that we are protected. We are vindicated and defended. And as Lewis writes of the great Lion, Aslan: "He is not safe, but He is good."
I know things are tough, and that this world is a terrible place, but I also know that this comes with the territory. I know that if you want to fight for what is good, and nobel, and pure, and right, that evil will attack very hard. And this is the defense we have been provided with: The blood of Christ. I encourage anyone who reads this to know that I you are not alone, that you have a protector, even when it seems rough. And when it seems rough, it's because we are in such a broken world because we as a whole, have rejected Christ. I want you to know that He is there, that I am with you in these trenches, and that God wins. I will be praying for whoever reads this, and I mean that. And Christ knows, I could use prayers too if you have the time.
"For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor heavenly rulers, nor things that are present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in creation will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. - ROMANS 8:38-39
EXPECTO-PATRONUM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know that it has to do with a somebody that I used to know [Thank you Elliott Smith]. I want to know what they think of LOST, I don't want to be upset at you for everything. I wanted, however long or short a time ago, for us to be able to live life together... However, that is no longer the place we sit and that is not now, nor had it really ever been a choice that I have made. Yet, I suffer it all the same, and so for you to contact me for any reason after you have done what you have done to me time and time again for the past half of a decade, is not fair. Not to mention that provided you are going to contact me, please don't fish for what you want to know/hear with bait you know I want to chomp at. Rather, say the thing. People need to tell one-another how they feel. Hypocritical as that statement may be, coming from the emotional robot, I still believe it. And I guess what I'm saying is more if you're going to come to somebody because you want to talk about something or say something in particular, then say that thing. This whole "Let-me-try-and-beat-around-and-play-cat-and-mouse-tell-you-string-the-correct-words-together-to-form-the-specific-sentence-to-pose-the-question-I-want-you-to-ask-so-that-I-will-then-answer-it," crap is driving me absolutely crazy. Point being here I am finding yet again that like it or not, Fittzgerald seems to have had a it correct.
"So we beat on, boats against the current, borne bak ceaselessly into the past."
I have to go back to work tonight for the first night since one of my co-workers is laying in a hospital bed, having nearly ben stabbed to death by another of my co-workers who is sitting in jain for what I assume will be some time. I don't know the whole story. I know that it involves a fight, a bar, years of poor choices, and a great deal of alcohol. It breaks my heart and to this moment, I don't know what to do with all of that. How to feel. I have talked to both of these guys at work, and outside of work once or twice. They lived together, so I had been over their house helping them do yard work one day. I had talked to them about God and love and hoped that something sank in. Hoped that in someway, I showed them Christ. Now I'm praying a whole lot more for the two of them. Then, on a far lesser note of seriousness, I am dealing with house drama, and trying to figure out just how to tell an old friend that us hanging out just isn't making sense anymore. That he is too loud, obnoxious, rude, selfish, and offensive to everyone we know. I don't know how to handle that and the situation as a whole just makes me very sad. I love this guy a whole lot, I really do. I worry about him, I care about his feelings, yet he will not change and he's now gone to the point of hurting me on a personal level. He won't stop and frankly, as much as I love him.... He's just not the type of person I want to hang around a ton. I am torn up about this.
I asked a few people who I am quite close to what it is that they think my patronus would be, provided such things were real (And how I wish they were). They all said Lion. Not to sound arrogant, self-righteous, or conceded, but I agree. I must say that Lions do mean a ton to me in many ways; my favorite movie is about a Lion, I do love Lions, and my savior is described as a Lion in the Bible, as well as written as on in C.S. Lewis' Narnia. I have a stone Lion outside my house, I have a stuffed Simba in my room, and I have a Lion patronus. For anyone who doesn't know (and supposing that someone is even reading this) "Patronus" means "Protector" in Latin. A patronus is what is used in Harry Potter as an attack to defend one's self against Dementors. Dementors are terrible creatures that have the ability to suck one's soul out of his or her body. Their presents feeds on happy emotions until it removes them, leaving you feeling hopeless and numb. They do not make you sad, as being sad is not as a whole, a bad thing... What they do, is they take away any happiness, or far more worse, joy form you. They take away any good feelings or memories that you have and leave you feeling numb and without any hope that any joy will return. They stick you in a state of emotional and really, spiritual imprisonment and leave you with only your worse memories.
To produce a patronus, you must think of the happiest, most powerful memory you have and focus on it and allow it to consume you. Then, with some words and a flick of that wand, you can produce a silvery white substance that will defend you against the dark. THIS is the only attack that can fend off a Dementor. And it doesn't just defend you, mind you.... It chases them far, far away. It saves you.
I have been feeling surrounded by Dementors lately, and I know what that feeling is; I know it's spiritual attack. Must respect to Miss Rowling for being able to describe so well what that can feel like. I've felt it quite a few times for a relatively young life and it's terrible. The truth is that we cannot combat this on our own. And the truth is that as cool as wands and magic, and patronus' are, they are not real... Not in the sense that stories present them at least. What is real, is something, someone far greater than any of us. And I thank God that he has given us Christ so that we are protected. We are vindicated and defended. And as Lewis writes of the great Lion, Aslan: "He is not safe, but He is good."
I know things are tough, and that this world is a terrible place, but I also know that this comes with the territory. I know that if you want to fight for what is good, and nobel, and pure, and right, that evil will attack very hard. And this is the defense we have been provided with: The blood of Christ. I encourage anyone who reads this to know that I you are not alone, that you have a protector, even when it seems rough. And when it seems rough, it's because we are in such a broken world because we as a whole, have rejected Christ. I want you to know that He is there, that I am with you in these trenches, and that God wins. I will be praying for whoever reads this, and I mean that. And Christ knows, I could use prayers too if you have the time.
"For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor heavenly rulers, nor things that are present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in creation will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. - ROMANS 8:38-39
EXPECTO-PATRONUM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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